I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
