What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
