nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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