just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
