one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
