He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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