shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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