Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
