You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
