I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
