Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
