That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
