dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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