Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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