Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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