More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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