and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
