sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
