who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just blew my weed a kiss
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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