She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
