bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
