I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
