oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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