god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize