Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I sprained my soul last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
