Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
