Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
