when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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