New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
