I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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