Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
