He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
