Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
