That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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