Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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