Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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