Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
