I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it hurts more in the daytime
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You took a bar mat shot.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
