So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
