I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
