Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need moral support for this bender
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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