I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
