I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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