You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
