about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
