So drunk its hurt
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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