i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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