Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize