when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
