'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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