so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
