my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You almost got us killed.
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