I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
