You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
