One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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