go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
