My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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