The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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