Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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