I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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