after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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