Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want a musical about memes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
