the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
