if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
