i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
