she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
