I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
