you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
