You can't special order awesome
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
