if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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