Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we're making bets on your personal life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize