Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
