dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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