physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
