You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
