She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
