Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I want is dick and wine.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
